Let’s talk about emotional regulation - the ability to control one’s own emotional state. Whether in the classroom, at home or throughout daily life, we all face difficult situations and thoughts that trigger emotional responses. There are techniques that can help us analyse, manage and respond to these emotional experiences in appropriate ways.
It is a skill which many of us learn as we grow up. For instance, when a child drops an ice-cream they may be distraught but as they grow up they no longer become upset by this and instead pick it up, clean the mess and get a new ice cream. Whilst we are all different and some people find it easier to regulate their emotions than others, it is important to remember that everyone struggles to manage their emotions at times!
Today we’ll delve into why and how you should teach your children to regulate their emotions.
The importance of emotional regulation in children
Children often act impulsively in response to their thoughts and feelings as they struggle to regulate their emotions. Their emotional reactions to situations can be unpredictable and overreactive. Children who have had traumatic experiences, additional needs, such as social communication difficulties, ADHD or Autism often find it harder to control their emotions than others.
If children learn skills to regulate their emotions then instead of acting impulsively, they make smarter choices which make their lives easier. For example, Samantha was excited about going to the beach on her birthday. But on her birthday there was a storm and she couldn’t go - she was upset and disappointed. Her impulsive reaction would be to shout and throw toys on the floor, and her regulated reaction to count down from ten, take deep breaths and accept an alternative activity instead.
Here are some reasons why emotional regulation is so important for children:
Without emotional regulation skills, children struggle to establish positive student-teacher and peer to peer relationships at primary school.
It is important that children begin to learn emotional regulation early in life so it sets a strong foundation for their future wellbeing and success.
Gives children skills to manage during stressful events, such as taking an exam or long journeys.
Leads to a better academic performance as they are better able to control their impulses and focus on tasks.
How can you teach children emotional regulation?
We’ve established how important emotional regulation is for children’s development. It’s something that needs to be front and centre at home and in schools across the UK. Here are some effective techniques that parents and schools can use to teach it:
Teaching emotion recognition
The first stage of successful emotional regulation is your child learning to recognise emotions in themselves and others. There are 6 key emotions: happy, sad, scared, angry, worried, and bored. All other emotions are variants of them. Should your child be able to recognise these 6 emotions in themselves they have begun their journey to emotional regulation. In order to help your child to recognise their emotions you could:
Label the emotions of characters from films or TV shows you watch. For example, Nemo looks sad or Shrek looks happy.
Give names to emotions that you are feeling so your child can learn what you look like when you are feeling a certain way.
The Stix activities encourage children to spot their emotions, thoughts and feelings. Activities in the mindfulness of thoughts and feelings section, regularly ask children to analyse which emotions they are feeling.
Zones of regulation
Next, you can use the zones of regulation to introduce emotional regulation to your children. Feelings are complex, coming in different sizes, intensities unique to our brains and bodies. To make them easier to think about, talk about and regulate, it can be useful for children to organise feelings into four coloured zones. These zones help simplify the complex skill of regulation for children, parents and teachers. Young children can often struggle to articulate their feelings verbally, but through colour they have a method to communicate their emotional states and, by extension, their needs.
Blue Zone: Describes down feelings such as sad, tired, sick, hurt, lonely or bored. These are low energy feelings and can be accompanied by body feelings such as heavy limbs, slow heartbeat or a foggy head. They must notice their lower energy or down feelings and find options to regulate them. Children can regulate by comfort, energising or resting.
Green Zone: Describes a calm, alert state with feelings such as happiness, focus, content, peacefulness or calm. Bodily sensations could include relaxed muscles and a focused brain. Children will feel safe, organised and connected in this zone, making it a prime time to learn.
Yellow Zone: Describes when children’s energy is higher and emotions get stronger. Feelings such as stress, frustration, anxiety, excitement, confusion and nervousness. Bodily sensations include a faster heartbeat, warmer body, muscular tension and thinking faster. In this zone, children should be taught to take action to regulate their feelings as they get stronger. For example, if they are feeling nervous before a performance, racing thoughts and speech can be slowed down through mindfulness.
Red Zone: Describes a state of high energy with very overwhelming feelings such as anger, fear, elation, panic and devastation. Children may be in an extremely heightened state of alertness, triggering our fight or flight protective response. Regulation is important in this zone - for example, if children are angry it can help to encourage them to pause and count to 10 before they act.
Using the Five-point scale
Another technique that could be used in schools or at home, is the 5-point scale. It is a simple visual system that helps children to evaluate their emotions. Emotions are broken down from 1-5 in a table. This method is particularly useful for children with autism, but can be used by any children struggling to recognise and control their emotions. Here is an example:
1) I am calm and relaxed
2) I am feeling ok
3) I am a little nervous
4) I am getting angry
5) I am going to explode.
This scale can help children understand when emotions are getting out of control. For example, if your child is able to recognise that they are approaching a ‘5’ they can apply strategies to bring it down. The 5 point scale can be personalised to reflect situations and emotions that your child is finding it difficult to regulate.
Stix has its own 5-point scale before and after an activity to promote emotional awareness in children. This pushes children to integrate understanding and questioning of their own emotions into their daily routine. It also allows them to see the difference mindfulness can have on their feelings.
Modelling behaviour
When supporting your child to regulate their emotions, you need to be aware of; your own emotions, your reaction to these emotions, and how they may affect your child’s emotions (co-regulation). Younger children in particular will need your support to regulate their emotions. This can also be true of older children, particularly in times of crisis. Much of children’s learning involves observing adults. Therefore, parents and teachers can influence children by modelling healthy emotional responses or coping strategies.
How does mindfulness support emotional regulation?
One of the most effective ways to improve emotional regulation in your children is through mindfulness. Since it is, in essence, the practice of being present and fully engaged in the moment, it fosters an awareness of one’s thoughts, feelings and body sensations. Such awareness is crucial for understanding and managing emotions. Here are some of the ways that mindfulness supports emotional regulation:
Increased emotional resilience: Mindfulness increases emotional resilience by promoting an acceptance of emotions. Instead of avoiding or supressing intense emotions, children who practice mindfulness, learn to experience them without judgement. This also reduces self-criticism and negative self-talk as it encourages acknowledging emotions without labelling them as good or bad.
Focus on the body: Mindfulness can improve the ability of children to recognise bodily sensations. This awareness will help them to realise the physical signs of emotions, such as increased heart rate or muscle tension. As they pay attention to bodily sensations, their emotional recognition will improve, the first stage of emotional regulation.
Reduction in emotional reactivity: Practicing mindfulness has been shown to decrease the reactivity of the amygdala, the brain region involved in processing emotions, mainly fear and stress. An overactive amygdala can make it difficult for children to regulate their emotions and they may feel fear and anxiety more acutely as a result.
Improved control over emotions: Mindfulness strengthens areas of the brain involved in cognitive control, such as the prefrontal cortex. This then helps children to stop and consider their responses rather than reacting on impulse to emotional stimuli.
Promoting calmness: Mindfulness practices, such as belly breathing can counter the body’s stress response, leading to a calmer state of mind, making it easier to manage emotions and avoid becoming overwhelmed by them.
Emotional regulation is essential for a child's overall well-being, academic success, and personal relationships. Teaching your children to recognise, understand, and manage their emotions through techniques like the five-point scale and zones of regulation is a great place to start.
Mindfulness as an additional tool is also a key way for children to explore their emotions in a relaxed, non-judgemental way. Give the Stix Remotes a try, and experience the benefits that other families are experiencing with improved emotional regulation in the family home!
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